Hunting down those gremlins

It’s very rare for me to read a book nowadays without wanting to reach for a red pen. In my day-job and my after-hours work, I wrestle with words. I write, edit and proofread everything from advertorial and press releases through to paranormal romance. This has obvious benefits for my own writing but I’d like to share some tips for writers wanting to clean up their writing before they start submitting to publishers and literary agents. These tips are by no means exhaustive but they’ll go a long way toward helping you self-edit your manuscripts and saving your poor, dear editor so she can concentrate on other aspects of your story. At any rate, these five gremlins are the ones I catch most often, so I’d like to share the love.

Filter words
He said, she thought, Paul heard…
These are filter words that clutter up text and steal some of the immediacy and impact a stronger sentence construction. Granted, there are times when this kind of construction is unavoidable, but when overused, it chokes the flow of a sentence. Here are a few examples.

Davy heard the sound of water falling and saw the rain falling outside the window.


This sentence would be much more effective if:
Rain drummed on the tin roof and splattered on the paving outside.


If you’ve already introduced Davy as a viewpoint character then you don’t need to keep mentioning his name and, by using more descriptive words as active verbs, you’re saying helluva lot more about the situation. Words are not acting as separators and you can create more mood.

Dialogue
I want to weep every time I see characters chuckle, smile or laugh words. These are physical actions and are not related to how we speak. I’m a big fan of “said”. Such a simple little word but it’s almost invisible. Laughing happens before or after we speak. Here are some examples.


“You ate my grandma!” Little Red Riding Hood said, stomping her foot.


Can be simplified thus:
“You ate my grandma!” Little Red Riding Hood stomped her foot.
You avoid overusing “said” by turning a dialogue tag into an action tag.


“You big bad wolf, I’m gonna get you,” Little Red Riding Hood smiled wickedly.
This one should read:
“You big bad wolf, I’m gonna get you.” Little Red Riding Hood smiled wickedly.


Little Red Riding Hood's smile is a separate action from the speaking and can also be appended before the dialogue, to have her smile before she speaks. A full-stop closes the dialogue, on the inside of the quotation marks. When I see punctuation on the outside, I weep.

While house styles may differ from publisher to publisher, my personal preference is for “said” as a dialogue tag, aiming for action tags when I don’t want to overdo a “he said, she said” kind of conversation. Also, by using action tags in large stretches of dialogue, you also give a better idea of how the characters are feeling or what they may be doing.

Head-hopping
I have a suspicion that because many of us watch a lot of films and TV programmes, which by their very nature offer us an omniscient viewpoint, many beginner writers feel the need to tell their readers everything. Although a third-person omniscient viewpoint is not wrong, it takes a masterful storyteller of the calibre of Terry Pratchett or William Horwood to pull this sort of writing off successfully. Current trends in commercial fiction show a preference for a deep-third point of view, either in first- or third-person, with one viewpoint per scene.

My advice to writers: Resist the temptation of giving away all your secrets. What keeps readers turning pages is not knowing what will happen next, and by sticking with the limited and often unreliable narration of one or two characters, readers know only as much as the characters and you can gradually build up to a denouement that will have people staying up late at night to see what happens next.

THAT word
We all have pet words, like that, really, actually, practically, virtually… or insert any of your choice that you end up using too often. That, more often than not, is one of the words I end up cutting. Most times it’s used it’s not necessary and more often than not acts as a word that fills space without adding real meaning. As for the others, I try to limit them to dialogue because hey, let’s keep the way people speak natural. But I expunge them from the narrative unless I’m using them in the correct context.

Let’s look at practically:
Little Red Riding Hood practically gave up hope.
Should read:
Little Red Riding Hood almost gave up hope.

Correct use of practically:

Little Red Riding Hood was practically orientated, and manipulated a hair pin to unlock the cupboard door.


Look at your manuscript and see if you have other pet words. Some of mine include however, perhaps… Find them and kill them, and you may see an immediate improvement in your writing.

Attack of the killer He or She
Watch out for too many similar words at the start of consecutive sentences. For instance:
He walked to the bank. He took out his wallet and drew money. He turned around and left.
Granted, that’s an extreme example but I see it. Often.

Look out for repeats, especially of names of characters, he, she, her, his and the. Watch also for the opening words of paragraphs being the same. Be alert for other words repeating within the same paragraph and jump out. Sometimes repetition of words that jump out is unavoidable, but catching the ones that are, for instance too many characters whispering at each other on one page, or overusing the word kiss… As an author, it is vital that you make an effort to increase your vocabulary, to become a walking thesaurus, if you must.

In closing, when you do reach the point where you are working with an editor, take time to analyse which points he or she highlights. Which gremlins crop up again and again? Internalise those gremlins and, when you begin work on your next manuscript, try avoiding making those same mistakes again. It will make you a better writer, and help you push your boundaries, which in a very competitive market is important if you want to make a go of being successful.

* * * *

Nerine is a published author and content editor for Lyrical Press, inc.
Email her at nerine@lyricalpress.com

A word on self-editing

My journey as an author runs parallel to that of editor. I never intended for the latter to happen, but it was sort of one of those things that just did, through my love for genre fiction and my wish to see it improved, both in my country and farther afield. Because genre fiction authors often are even more isolate than authors of "normal" or "serious" fiction, I can't stress enough how important it is that they need to take very special care when it comes to creating their particular brand of fiction. Whether you write paranormal romance or dark fantasy, you must, must, must never stop improving your skills.

It all started innocently enough when I joined The Critters Workshop, possibly late 2003 or early 2004. That seemed easy: critiquing other writers' work in exchange for having my own receive critique. I had vague notions that I would try to get a short story or two published. The next thing I knew, I was working as a sub-editor for a newspaper, getting my novels published and freelancing as a content editor.

That was a serious, "Eh, what?" moment for me. In the space of five or so years, I'd made a complete change in focus in my career, receiving a thorough education in the publishing industry when it comes to being a wordsmith.

Thing is, I keep telling myself I've seen it all when it comes to how people, who consider themselves writers, can mangle the English language. You know what? I keep encountering nasty surprises.

Yeah, yeah... I'm not perfect and my writing does have quirks, but I'm lucky. I've had many editors, both at my day-job and my secondary career, help me by pointing out the worst of the problem areas. And you know what? I take their advice to heart. Some of them have been at this for decades and by now they should know what they're talking about. I take notes and I make damn sure I apply them.

So, today, I'm going to share some tips to improve your writing, that will make editors stop being grumpy for a few heartbeats while they're reading through the slushpile. Although this is no guarantee you'll get your work sold, I see these gremlins so often they make my eyes bleed.

There was/There were
Although it's not a mistake to start a sentence with "there was" or "there were", it's a lazy way to write. Which sentence is stronger?
"There were five shots of tequila on the bar counter."
"Five shots of tequila waited on the bar counter."

The second sentence is by far the stronger of the two. The verb "waited" also suggests more than "were", giving the idea of anticipation. Someone's going to down those five shots of tequila, which can only mean events may take a rather unexpected turn in the story.

An ugly little word called "that"
Seriously, most instances of "that" can be cut. As a content editor I do just that. **laughs**
Go back to your writing, use the "find" function in MS Word, and read the sentence where "that" appears. Ten to one, you can delete "that" and the sentence will be better for it. And your editor won't be reaching for her happy pills. Also, "that" is a filler word, in many cases, and if you need to knock down that word count, going on a "that" hunt is a decent place to start.

I saw, he saw, we all saw...
I'm sick to death of encountering sentences that start with words that act as separators. Jump right in with the action, don't tell us that your protagonist saw, heard or felt something, unless it's absolutely necessary. Consider the two sentences.

"He saw the man lift the knife and stab his brother."
"The man lifted the knife and stabbed his brother."

The second sentence has far more punch, don't you agree. When every thing that happens has a "he saw" or "she heard" or "I thought" attached to it, it slows down the pace, these words acting as separators, stealing the immediacy of an author's writing and creating a divide between the reader "experiencing" things for themselves.

Attack of the killer "She", "He" or "I"
I have one of my editors to thank for this phrase but really, sometimes I just get tired of counting how many times I encounter "She", "He" or "I" in a paragraph and I select the entire offending section and add this tag. Authors, watch out for this repetition. It's not a capital offence to start a sentence with these pronouns but if you've got five or six in a row in one paragraph, you have a problem.

Repeating words
When you revise your manuscript, keep an eye out for words that repeat themselves. While reading, try to scan for this kind of repetition, especially if it's an unusual word like "billowing" or "ungainly"... or something that's going to look odd when you repeat it two or three times in successive paragraphs. That's where a beta reader is good for you but really, you should train yourself to keep an eye out for these things in your own writing.

Homophones
You need to know this. Homophones are words that sound the same as each other but have different meanings. This is death to you as an author when you write: "Their was a brake in the clouds and the son shone threw." That's when editors usually start to point and laugh.

In closing, these are the gremlins that are getting my goat at the moment. In a few weeks' time another set of authors will probably annoy me with an entirely different set of quirks, so here endeth the lesson... for now.